Post by Lori on Mar 23, 2016 13:11:40 GMT -5
What else was Chase supposed to do? What else was he supposed to say? One moment it seemed as though everything was fine...well, not fine, exactly. Fine enough that they were talking. Fine enough that they were getting somewhere. Fine enough that for a brief moment it seemed like almost nothing was wrong and they were stepping in the right direction. And then in the next moment everything changed. What was he saying or doing that was wrong? When did it become that his suddenly touching Max made her want to pull away? That there were certain moments where it almost seemed like she wanted to be anywhere - specifically with Colton, but still - but around Chase? When did Chase trying to comfort her, even doing something as simple as touch her...actually made her cry? When did them having a baby, while it only made Chase love Max more, suddenly make Max seem to flip flop about loving him or wanting to be around him?
Chase didn't want to say he was mad at Max. He didn't want to let her know about the thoughts that had gone from occasionally popping up in his head to now, particularly tonight, being on replay. He didn't want her to worry about him because all of her thoughts and concerns were on Colton. And to take any of that away from him just seemed...so wrong. The adjustment to having a baby hadn't been easy on Chase, either. He'd gone from being a spoiled kid and always put first - in his family and in his relationship - to being tossed to the side. Yes, there were instances where he'd been put second in his relationship with Max, particularly with her dancing. But Chase always knew and understood it was a time management thing and dancing was a huge part of her life. But having a baby was nothing like that. It was unpredictable and rocky and scary and rewarding.... why was it ok for Chase to say at some points that he was second to dancing but it was so much harder to admit he was second to Colton?
It broke his heart to see Max cry and pull away from him - to feel like he was the one upsetting her when he was supposed to be the one lifting her up. God, what kind of future husband was he? To be thinking the things that he was and making Max feel this way? What was he supposed to do? He didn't want to make her feel bad...Chase would never.... But somehow he was. He looked down and rubbed the back of his head. He didn't care if anyone passing by was paying attention or even started listening in on their drama. Please, like New Yorkers didn't walk past drama every day. But he didn't want to reach out to her again. He didn't want to be rejected again or make her feel bad again. "I know you do," he finally spoke. "I mean...you can't be there every night. I can't be there every night. It's not like... dunno, that we're gonna constantly stalk him throughout his life to make sure everything's ok. We can't do that. What I do know is that...there's no way Carla's not going five minutes without reminding Colton that you love him. He may be too young to know what that means, to know what a lot of stuff means.... But he gets it. He gets that love is a good thing and that Mommy is a happy thing." He let out a sigh at how lame that sounded. "I don't know.... It sounded a lot better in my head, I guess. I wasn't sure what else to say."
He slowly brought himself to look at her, as she pulled away from his embrace. He listened to her words. 'We can't leave.' 'I don't want to go to the chocolate store but I can at least do this.' At first it sounded like she was changing her mind. Well...sort of. She knew how much Chase wanted this and she didn't want to feel guilty so the better option for the both of them was to stay. She said she loved him and wanted to make him happy, too. Yet...she didn't want to spend any more time with him than she had to. She was willing to put in some effort because she had to. Maybe Chase was just thinking too much about it. Maybe he was reading too much into her words. But to him, the way she said it, it was almost sounding like.... He knew she loved him, but what if it wasn't in the same way anymore? What if somehow, after everything they'd been through, Max found a way to love him less? Crap. There came those thoughts again. If Max was letting the guilt get to her to ruin this night, then Chase was letting his negative emotions ruin the night. Chase should have never suggested a night out. He should have just let well enough alone and taken what he could get.
"Ok," he finally agreed. Chase wasn't going to argue with her. But he wasn't going to say anything either. "If that's what you want. We'll eat here, maybe just split something, and then we'll head home." He waited a moment to see if, for whatever reason, they'd walk inside arm in arm like they usually did. When that didn't happen, Chase took a chance and walked inside first. He gave their name to the maitre'd and said they had reservations. The maitre'd nodded and looked it up on the computer for confirmation. They had been ever so slightly late, but their table was ready. Between walking into the restaurant, following to their table, and Chase standing by the chair for Max, he glanced at her a few different times as if to ask silently if she was sure. Even if they did make it to the table, he didn't want to sit down unless Max was positive this was what she wanted. And he didn't want her to get mad at him for just sitting down like everything was ok. No matter what either of them were thinking or dealing with, Chase would try to give Max whatever she wanted, even if it would just end up being a small side dish. He was supposed to do that because he loved her. Even if it may have been hurting him tonight, those feelings wouldn't change. He was sure of that. He just wished it hadn't gotten off to such a rocky start.
-x-
"So the bird took Tiger Cub to meet the Stork. 'Hey I remember you! You're Tiger Cub!' the stork said with glee. Tiger Cub nodded and said, 'Hey Stork, have you seen my stripes? I never got them. Can you help me?' The stork scratched his head. 'But Tiger Cub, you should have gotten them when I gave you to Mommy and Daddy Tiger. You were right here in this bag when..' He pulled out the bag that he had delivered Tiger Cub in and, to his surprise, there was the cub's spots!" Carla read. She paused when she got to that last line. "Are you kidding? The stripes were with the stork the whole time? Who does that? Who forgets to give a tiger his stripes?"
She looked down at Colton, who was grinning widely and letting out some kind of baby laugh. He wasn't tired at all! Was it something she was doing wrong? Or was she now just so invested in the story that Colton was entertained by her actions? "Are you like this when Mommy and Daddy read to you? What am I doing wrong, Colton?"
The baby responded by wiggling his arms again. He kicked his feet slightly against her lap, but remained exactly where he was. Evidently he was not ready for bed just yet. Crap, Carla thought, what else did Max say to do to get Colton to sleep...? She didn't want to get up with him and leave the nursery. Because they were in there, that had to mean it was just about bed time. But all of Carla's notes were in the kitchen. She looked down at her nephew again. "What else do Mommy and Daddy do to get you to sleep? It's not TV time anymore and you clearly don't like the way I read to you. What can I do to put you to sleep, baby boy?"
Chase didn't want to say he was mad at Max. He didn't want to let her know about the thoughts that had gone from occasionally popping up in his head to now, particularly tonight, being on replay. He didn't want her to worry about him because all of her thoughts and concerns were on Colton. And to take any of that away from him just seemed...so wrong. The adjustment to having a baby hadn't been easy on Chase, either. He'd gone from being a spoiled kid and always put first - in his family and in his relationship - to being tossed to the side. Yes, there were instances where he'd been put second in his relationship with Max, particularly with her dancing. But Chase always knew and understood it was a time management thing and dancing was a huge part of her life. But having a baby was nothing like that. It was unpredictable and rocky and scary and rewarding.... why was it ok for Chase to say at some points that he was second to dancing but it was so much harder to admit he was second to Colton?
It broke his heart to see Max cry and pull away from him - to feel like he was the one upsetting her when he was supposed to be the one lifting her up. God, what kind of future husband was he? To be thinking the things that he was and making Max feel this way? What was he supposed to do? He didn't want to make her feel bad...Chase would never.... But somehow he was. He looked down and rubbed the back of his head. He didn't care if anyone passing by was paying attention or even started listening in on their drama. Please, like New Yorkers didn't walk past drama every day. But he didn't want to reach out to her again. He didn't want to be rejected again or make her feel bad again. "I know you do," he finally spoke. "I mean...you can't be there every night. I can't be there every night. It's not like... dunno, that we're gonna constantly stalk him throughout his life to make sure everything's ok. We can't do that. What I do know is that...there's no way Carla's not going five minutes without reminding Colton that you love him. He may be too young to know what that means, to know what a lot of stuff means.... But he gets it. He gets that love is a good thing and that Mommy is a happy thing." He let out a sigh at how lame that sounded. "I don't know.... It sounded a lot better in my head, I guess. I wasn't sure what else to say."
He slowly brought himself to look at her, as she pulled away from his embrace. He listened to her words. 'We can't leave.' 'I don't want to go to the chocolate store but I can at least do this.' At first it sounded like she was changing her mind. Well...sort of. She knew how much Chase wanted this and she didn't want to feel guilty so the better option for the both of them was to stay. She said she loved him and wanted to make him happy, too. Yet...she didn't want to spend any more time with him than she had to. She was willing to put in some effort because she had to. Maybe Chase was just thinking too much about it. Maybe he was reading too much into her words. But to him, the way she said it, it was almost sounding like.... He knew she loved him, but what if it wasn't in the same way anymore? What if somehow, after everything they'd been through, Max found a way to love him less? Crap. There came those thoughts again. If Max was letting the guilt get to her to ruin this night, then Chase was letting his negative emotions ruin the night. Chase should have never suggested a night out. He should have just let well enough alone and taken what he could get.
"Ok," he finally agreed. Chase wasn't going to argue with her. But he wasn't going to say anything either. "If that's what you want. We'll eat here, maybe just split something, and then we'll head home." He waited a moment to see if, for whatever reason, they'd walk inside arm in arm like they usually did. When that didn't happen, Chase took a chance and walked inside first. He gave their name to the maitre'd and said they had reservations. The maitre'd nodded and looked it up on the computer for confirmation. They had been ever so slightly late, but their table was ready. Between walking into the restaurant, following to their table, and Chase standing by the chair for Max, he glanced at her a few different times as if to ask silently if she was sure. Even if they did make it to the table, he didn't want to sit down unless Max was positive this was what she wanted. And he didn't want her to get mad at him for just sitting down like everything was ok. No matter what either of them were thinking or dealing with, Chase would try to give Max whatever she wanted, even if it would just end up being a small side dish. He was supposed to do that because he loved her. Even if it may have been hurting him tonight, those feelings wouldn't change. He was sure of that. He just wished it hadn't gotten off to such a rocky start.
-x-
"So the bird took Tiger Cub to meet the Stork. 'Hey I remember you! You're Tiger Cub!' the stork said with glee. Tiger Cub nodded and said, 'Hey Stork, have you seen my stripes? I never got them. Can you help me?' The stork scratched his head. 'But Tiger Cub, you should have gotten them when I gave you to Mommy and Daddy Tiger. You were right here in this bag when..' He pulled out the bag that he had delivered Tiger Cub in and, to his surprise, there was the cub's spots!" Carla read. She paused when she got to that last line. "Are you kidding? The stripes were with the stork the whole time? Who does that? Who forgets to give a tiger his stripes?"
She looked down at Colton, who was grinning widely and letting out some kind of baby laugh. He wasn't tired at all! Was it something she was doing wrong? Or was she now just so invested in the story that Colton was entertained by her actions? "Are you like this when Mommy and Daddy read to you? What am I doing wrong, Colton?"
The baby responded by wiggling his arms again. He kicked his feet slightly against her lap, but remained exactly where he was. Evidently he was not ready for bed just yet. Crap, Carla thought, what else did Max say to do to get Colton to sleep...? She didn't want to get up with him and leave the nursery. Because they were in there, that had to mean it was just about bed time. But all of Carla's notes were in the kitchen. She looked down at her nephew again. "What else do Mommy and Daddy do to get you to sleep? It's not TV time anymore and you clearly don't like the way I read to you. What can I do to put you to sleep, baby boy?"